Identity, the Future, and Children

Many people may describe raising a child as an outcome. Yet raising a child is not an outcome; it is a project that spans at least 25 years. When thinking about our child's future or trying to describe who they will become, we cannot define them solely by their achievements, profession, career, or possessions. If we do so, we are not really trying to understand our child; we are defining them only by what they may possess in the future.

At one point, I conducted a study with high school students. I asked them to describe who they were through a drawing. Every one of them portrayed themselves through their future profession. I then asked them to draw a timeline and mark the dates that were important to them, along with the events associated with those dates. What appeared on their life timelines was generally something like: “I was born, I started school, I took an exam, I started high school,” and so on. In other words, almost every date other than their birth date was academically focused. The future meant a profession and a career.

But what about the skills needed to participate fully in life? What about life itself? Is life limited to a profession or to the things we can purchase and possess? Do these things actually provide us with the skills needed to live?

Let us think about this: How are we guiding these children? Do professions, jobs, or possessions come before a person's identity? If we fail to obtain these things or lose them, do we become nobody?

Who are we?

Could it be that we do not truly know ourselves and, in the process, are distancing our children from life? Do we ever question our approach to education and parenting, what we value, and the goals we set for our children?

Let us not forget that one of the most important things is having the ability to exist meaningfully within life itself, and this must absolutely be among our goals when raising our children.

What is our approach to education and parenting? What plans do we have based on this approach? Are our goals aligned with it? Do we break our goals down into manageable steps, or are we simply letting everything unfold randomly?

First, we need to decide what our fundamental approach is. We need to be realistic and focus our efforts accordingly. As we do this, we should break our goals into smaller pieces. Focusing on a complex whole that may only be achieved years from now makes the process more difficult. Break it down into smaller steps and take action.

When planning for new beginnings and setting goals, the following principles are important:

• Keep it simple. Do not frighten yourself by making things unnecessarily complicated.

• Create an actionable plan.

• Take action.

• Turn the plan—and the actions you take—into habits. After a while, these efforts will become part of your daily life rather than feeling like additional work.

Let us remember: Lakes are made up of drops. Everything grows drop by drop. If you focus directly on reaching the lake, you are much more likely to give up.

(Published on the “Gelişimin Gücü” Blogspot, March 31, 2019.)